August 31st Movie of the Week

Wild Wild West

Director: Barry Sonnenfeld
Writers: Jim Thomas, John Thomas, S.S. Wilson (there are more butwho cares, this sucked. However, if you find these guys, punch them in the dick)

Actors:
Will Smith - Cowboy
Kevin Kline - Some special agent Cowboy. A real life Woody.
Kenneth Branagh - Cripple
Salma Hayek - Boobs McGee

Ratings: 4.3/10 on IMDB
21% on Rotten Tomatoes

Yep, in case you haven't caught on yet, this one's going to be a fun review.

Trailer: Wild Wild West

Plot Summary: Here's what an IMDB person put.
Jim West is a guns-a-blazing former Civil War hero. Artemus Gordon is an inventive U.S. Marshal who excels in disguise. When the United States is threatened by psychotic Confederate Arliss Loveless, President Ulysses Grant teams the duo up to bring him to justice. On a hazard-packed train journey from Washington to Utah, West and Gordon must combine their skills to best Loveless and his diabolical machines.

Here's what I put.

Two white guys (one's disguised as a black guy) team up to save the United States from an evil cripple. With one of the dumbest movie concepts around, these two Brokeback Mountain cowboys try to save the U.S., while destroying their acting credibility.

Mine's a little more accurate, don't ya think?

Things I would rather do than watch this movie: Wipe my ass with sand paper. Masturbate with Icy Hot. Be Rex Ryan's computer chair for a day.

Opinion: Now every movie review I have done up to this point I have watched within a week of doing the review. I'll admit that I haven't seen this movie in years, but when my brother's friend Andrew mentioned this shitty movie to review, I couldn't pass it up. It's just that bad.

In case you weren't aware, this movie was based on a '60s television show starring Robert Conrad (anyone?). The show actually won an Emmy. Then Will Smith and Kevin Kline came along to act in the movie version, and this steamy log is the end result. Mr. Conrad was not into the movie from the start, but that's what my next paragraph is for. Horray for remakes!

Ok, so Conrad was approached to fill in a small part in this movie. Think of it as an homage to his old show, like "Hey, come act in this, so when we ruin your legacy, you won't be mad because you were apart of it". Well, after reading the script, he turned it down for because he had better things to do, like not act in this.

He was right with his choice, because when this movie swept the 20th Annual Razzie Awards winning (I guess you could call it that) 5 statuettes including "Worst Picture", good ol' Conrad accepted 3 of the awards to show his despise of it being made. I wonder what he did with them? I heard a ghost story that he put them in the trash, and years later, they were the cause of this big oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. Wait, what happened to the two he didn't accept?

Mother of God........

What I disliked: Where do I even start? There's just to many things to make fun of, like when you watch the Special Olympics at home. You can laugh all day long and not feel bad for doing it in public. Except you're still going to hell.

Can someone explain to me the futuristic approach they took? What a stupid concept. It's as if the writers took inventions from the future that involve power (electric wheelchair, powered hang glider airplane thing, catapults, etc.), smoked a lot of weed, and thought "hey, if we make them steam powered, then it'll seem like it was all possible. GENIUS!" O, I almost forgot one of the inventions. To top it off, A HUGE FIREBALL SPITTING SPIDER THAT RUNS ON CRANKS AND STEAM POWER. Yea, that shits deeeefinitely possible. The only way I could ever believe that this is even remotely possible is if somehow they incorporated Back To The Future 3 into all of this, and Marty McFly had shown the Cripple how Transformers work.

I also disliked Will Smith, but does that surprise you? I haven't like Big Willy since Fresh Prince of Bel Air, partly because that was the last time he played a black guy. Well he does have a gun and kills a lot of evil white people, so I guess you can consider him black in this movie. Wait, a black guy killing a lot of white people. Did Spike Lee direct this?

O, and he did his typical one liners that are o so amusing. In fact, let's play a game. It's called "Name that Big Willy Movie", and no, it's not a porno game. I give the line, you name the correct shitty Will Smith Character.

Welcome to Earf
You know what the difference is between me and you. I make this look good
That's it, no more Mr. Knife Guy (Ugh, that just makes me wanna punch you)
Yo Uncle Phil!

The more you get right, the more pathetic your life gets. I know, I got them all right. It's sad.

So we covered the plot and Will Smith, which accounts for 90% of the shittyness. Spellcheck just said that word doesn't exist, but this movie is so shitty, it has been created. Send that to Dictionary.com. Now, what is going to account for the final 10%? Could it be Kevin Kline, who hasn't EVER done a movie I liked, besides his role in Orange County, and he only gets props on that because that's a hilarious movie and his face was in it.

Or, could it be the other shitty actor, the Cripple. I could go down that rout of making fun of cripples, but will I? Yes, if you know me, I will. WHEN HAVE YOU EVER BEEN AFRAID OF A CRIPPLE TAKING OVER THE WORLD! Seriously. I'll be afraid of the possessed doll Chucky, whom I could kick across the room, before I ever take a Christopher Reeves seriously. AND HE'S SUPERMAN!

Well, I think we get the point. This movie sucked. Now, I'm sure there are plenty of good things to write about. Right?

Things I liked: Selma Hayek's tits. But they didn't even come out all the way. So it's a halfie on what I liked, kinda like the halfie I got from seeing them bouncing around.

Favorite Scene: The one where they get chased by a magentic disc that is supposed to decapitate them, but it doesn't. So in reality, the scene sucked, because they didn't get hurt, and the movie continued. After writing that, I'm sad again that watched this at one point in my life.

Interesting Facts:

• At an official $150 million (unofficial $180 million) it stands as the most expensive movie produced by Warner Bros. and the most expensive movie released in 1999. HAHAHAHAHA fail.
• The film underwent costly re-shoots in an attempt to inject some humor after it was found that test audiences weren't sure if it was supposed to be a comedy. HAHAHAHAHA fail.
• Will Smith turned down the lead role in The Matrix (1999) to star in this movie, being a fan of the television series. He later said this was the worst decision he made in his career. HAHAHAHAHA fail.

Final Comments: What more can I really say? I hated this movie, hated the actors, and hated what this movie tried to do. I agree 100% with Robert Conrad on not wanting to put this movie to a studio because, after he read the script, he knew it would suck. HOW COME KNOW ONE ELSE SAW THIS COMING! After Big Willy did this movie, he starred in "The Legend of Bagger Vance". Only if he had a good Caddy to tell him to take mulligan on this movie.

1/5 Kevo's - Did you expect anything else. Just like it did in the past, this movie takes the cake for worst movie ever, on this website that is.

Time to end it on a quote, right? Here it is...

"I'd rather cut my dick off than see this movie again"

-Kevo

From Deniro to Zero

Yea, maybe it's a pretty cheesy title, but hey, that's me. Also, he is the reason I am sitting at my computer with a new post, so I might as well put him in the title. Now, what is this post about? Here are your choices.

Is it...

A) Robert Deniro also had sex with Tiger Woods
B) Chuck Norris' favorite number is Zero, because he killed every other possible number
C) What is going to happen when all of our esteemed, older actors start fading away

Well, if you guessed A or B, you're wrong. Although they are probably true, that's not what this post is about. It's about our actor change over. Let me begin.

I was watching the movie "Everybody's Fine" on vacation the other day, and it hit me in a funny way. In case you don't know, Deniro plays a grandpa who is like all of our grandpas, old and out of touch with society (some may even crap their pants while complaining that their cell phone doesn't have a big enough font). He decides to surprise his kids on Christmas by visiting each of them, but they are disconnected because their deceased mother was who they related too. I never finished the movie (2/5 Kevo's), but seeing Denioro play a very aged man had me wondering "when our elder actors pass away, who's going to take the torch in Hollywood"?

We all have a soft spot for our favorite actors. Like, for instance, the time my brother Tim told my dad that John Wayne was a shitty actor during dinner, and dad proceeded to flip the table and choke Tim with an American Flag screaming "NOBODY FUCKS WITH THE DUKE!". Now, John Wayne is dead (along with Dad's soul) and a new group came in. They are: Jack Nicholson, Al Pacino, Robert Deniro, Robert Duvall, Morgan Freeman, Christopher Walken, etc. This is nature's way of preserving Hollywood. So, I put together 3 groups of actors that are tops of their age group. Kinda like coordinating age groups in little league baseball, but with millionaires.

Group 1 - The elderly of 70+, aka "Grey Dawn"
Robert Deniro
Robert Duvall
Al Pacino
Christopher Walken (tear)
Jack Nicholson
Morgan Freeman
Michael Caine
Clint Eastwood
Dustin Hoffman

Ok, that's enough. Each of these actors/directors are esteemed. Everyone has an Academy Award (Jack has 3) and have been in incredible movies. However, they could all pass away at any moment (RIP Dennis Hopper)

Group 2 - The Middle Aged 40+, aka "Mid-life Crisis"
Tom Hanks
Ed Harris
Russell Crowe
Denzel Washington
Edward Norton
Matt Damon (2 months away, so count it)
Brad Pitt
Johnny Depp

Most of the younger actors here are in their prime and winning many awards. Each has at least been nominated for an Oscar, and have incredible movies under their belt.

Group 3 - The Young Guns <40, aka "New School"
Leonardo Dicaprio
Casey Affleck
Sam Rockwell
Christian Bale
...........

There may be many more on this list you want to include, but would everyone agree? I feel that Group 1 and 2 are universally accepted as great actors. Group 3? All I can think of are those guys, and Bale and Rockwell haven't even been nominated for an Oscar. So what's our consensus here? Well, let's go back to the board.

And your choices are....

A) Start sleeping with Tiger Woods and you'll be famous
B) It is hard to be considered for an Oscar before age 40 because you need time to develop your career
C) Hollywood is doomed
D) The cycle is alright, I am just blinded from becoming a 23 year old pessimist who wishes he was back in college and not unemployed

Well, you figure it out and get back to me. I'm around.

KEVO OUT

Top 10 Best Actors Currently

Welcome back fuckers! Yea, it's Kevo back with another Movie post. However, this post isn't about movies, but actors. I figured since I have a lot to talk about with movies, I should post something about the beautiful, talented, insatiable people who star in the hits you love. No, I'm not talking about pornstars. I'm talking about actors. You know, the people who are a part of such hits as Troll 2, Megaladon, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2 Secret of the Ooze (I will drop everything to watch that movie just to relive my 10 year old days). Ok, seriously, I have put together 10, that's right, 10 actors who are currently killing it in the "acting" category.

Listen, when I say "killing it", I mean they can play any part and do it well. They don't do just one role over and over (Sorry Denzel Washington, but you have been type casted for some time. If you happen to read this review, I would bow down to your skills, but def. not someone who is of my most talented. I still totally heart you though bro). Also, I don't list actors who were good back in the day. I know Pacino, Deniro, and yes Christopher Walken are amazing actors, but hey haven't done great movies in a looooong time. So, as much as I love their work, we are focusing on future talent. Actors I mention have done many different roles that show how different they can be. Something that us people in the "biz" like to call "range". So, without further or due, here is my list (not necessarily in order). I will put the person along with great movies that express how talented they can be.

James Franco - Pineapple Express, Milk, Spider Man, Many different soap operas (yea it's wierd, but to do such a range is verrry impressive)
Sean Penn - Mystic River, Dead Man Walking, Fast Times at Ridgemont High
Leonardo Dicaprio - Titanic, Shutter Island, Inception, The Departed
Christian Bale - Batman Movies, American Psycho, The Prestige
Brad Pitt - Fight Club, Inglorious Basterds, Seven
Edward Norton - 25th Hour (soooo good BTW), American History X, The Illusionist, Rounders
Kevin Spacey - The Usual Suspects, Glenngarry Glen Ross, American Beauty
Tom Hanks - Fuck you if you don't love him. I'm not even gonna name his movies cause he rules
Don Cheadle - Hotel Rwanda, Funny or Die, Oceans Movies, Crash
Johnny Depp - Edward ScissorHands (one of my favorite movies as a kid), Blow, Pirates movies, Fear and Loathing, Chocolat

Now, everyone thinks their top ten list is the best, right? Well, fuck them, cause mine is the right one. Mmmmm, maybe not. BUT, there may be reasons you think it isn't and you have some actors that are the best, right? Well, maybe the following actors are on your list and I can possibly change your mind.

Denzel Washington - Great actor, but please do another role besides you yelling at someone. You used to do some great shit like Philadephia, and now they just type cast you into being a mean asshole who has a right to fuck everyone up.

Al Pacino - Dude, you were the reason movies were amazing.............yea, I said "were". You haven't done anything good in a long time. Dog Day Afternoon, Serpico, Godfather, damnit you were like the Jesus Christ of Actors. Now, you do crappy movies. 20 years ago, you'd be on top of my awesome list.

Robert Deniro - Read PapaCino's list. You were awesome man, now you don't do great movies. Raging Bull, Casino, Taxi Driver. Now, you reprise roles like Meet the Parents, Fockers, etc. Don't make me cry anymore for you.

Matt Damon - You're movies are amazing to this day. Don't get me wrong. However, you need to stop being this badass guy who can kick the shit out of everyone. you are the white version of Denzel. You were soooooooooooo close to making my top ten, but just missed. You have a lot of talent, but you fall short in showing it in your movies because you haven't shown range in a long time. Go back to your roots Will Hunting.

Nicholas Cage - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAH..........I hate you

Keanu Reeves - HAHAHA read above. Plus, why the hell does every director think you're the perfect person to play the roles that save the world? I took a shit earlier today that has more potential to save the world than you do. I hope you die in a telephone booth where you're career started. Eddie Van Halen is never going to join your rock band with your no talent ass in it. Wylde Stallions!

Jack Nicholson - Listen, you are of the greatest actors ever. I even have one of your movies sitting on my table right now, "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest". However, you don't do much that shows range anymore. It was veeeery hard to keep you off my list, but it had to be done. Please, put something together soon that will make me put you on top. You know you deserve it.

Ok bitches. That's about all I have to say about that. Hate me, love me, do whatever. We all have our opinions, but mine are supreme.

July 21st Movie of the Week

Glenngarry Glenn Ross

Director: James Foley
Writer: David Mamet (also wrote the screenplay)

Actors: Another awesome cast
Al Pacino
Jack Lemon
Kevin Spacey
Ed Harris
Alec Baldwin
Alan Arkin

Ratings: 7.9/10 on IMDB

98% on Rotten Tomatoes

Trailer: Glenngarry Glen Ross

Plot Summary: After a visit from a hot shot executive (Alec Baldwin), salesmen at a high stakes New York real estate office step up their games and gun for the best leads in order to win the company contest. First place; a Cadillac El Dorado. Second Place; Steak Knives. Anything less, the unemployment line. With the competition heating up, only the most cunning and viscous will see their career continue.

If I had to sell this movie, I would sell it as: "Boiler Room in real estate, without sexy Vin Diesel"

Opinion: This is the second movie I have reviewed that has a very strong cast, the first being True Romance. The reason I bring that up is because True Romance's cast didn't live up to the bill for me. This one did, hands down.

Another thing that really grabbed my attention was how real it felt. This can be contributed from either the script, the acting, or a most likely a mixture of the two. Having had a brief half year stint in a full on sales role, this movie captured the intensity that you get during a sales contest. Cut throat tactics, hard sells to close someone within a deadline, bending the truth so that a customer doesn't pull away from a deal, and more. It made me realize why many people hate salesmen (no offense if you're in sales, but you knew that already I'm sure).

To keep from rambling on, let's go to the pros/cons, shall we?

What I disliked: A slow beginning. Honestly, yea that's about it. And to me, that's such a petty thing in a movie to dislike, because if the movie as a whole was great, then sitting through a slow set up isn't bad at all. That's like having awesome sex with a really hot Playboy model, but it took an extra minute to get her bra off in the beginning cause it was a button on bra, and not one of the hooked ones that I'm used to, but once I realized it, it totally got better. What a slampiece.

OK, now back to reality. My brother Tim and I both agreed that the slow beginning was an issue, but only a minor one. This is definitely something that should not deter you away from the movie. Take it for what it's worth, a good set up.

O, before we move on, I just remembered another one. Jack Lemmon cursing. That may be really weird to say, but it's like watching a sweet old grandpa yelling at the help in a nursing home. Don't get me wrong, his acting was phenomenal as always, but whenever I see an old person yell, I brace for them to keel over with a heart attack. They're too fragile, like hardened sand clumps.

What I liked: To get it out of the way if you've seen this movie, here it is: Alec Baldwin. You'll find out more on this subject in my Favorite Scene.

Al Pacino also goes on the top of my list. Ever seen a comedian impersonate him and they always wave their arms around and lull their eyes a lot? GGGR is where they must get this stereotype from, because Papacino was in full form in this one. Also, he could go down as one of the greatest salespeople I have ever seen, fictional or not. A little slimey, but damn does he know how to reel em in.

The acting may be a redundant topic to express, but I want to share one thing about it. It is reported on IMDB that during filming, members of the cast who weren't required to be on the set certain days would show up anyway to watch the other actors' performances. That should speak for itself.

It's representation of a sales career may be a little drastic with how fast the ups and downs are to some people, but if you have had a position like this before, you know it can happen that way. "I'm going to meet a prospect. O they want to buy $30,000 worth! O, now they don't, fuck! Wait, now they want $50,000 worth!" That's not quite what happens here, but it's relevant to the situations. The reality of a sales career in the big leagues seems very legitimate in GGGR. I wouldn't know what big league is because, well, I sold shitty copiers, not large real estate. I'm still special though, right......hello.....

Now, without further or due, Ladies and Gentlemen, the only star in his family. The man, the myth, the legend. Mr. Alec Baldwin...

Favorite Scene: He's only in one scene, but his character couldn't be a better fit for him if you dreamed it up. It's almost as if you took all of the best performances from each Baldwin and combined it into one, ultimate scene, this is what you'd get. However, if you did that, then you'd have a stoner from Biodome, a firefighter from Backdraft, and a loser alcoholic from VH1's Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. Yea Danny Baldwin, that's the best performance you've ever had.

I don't think there is a better scene in movie history that gives one actor such great lines and command over his co stars, and pulls it off perfectly. Alec Baldwin embodies everything that is a cocky, hot shot sales rep from corporate. I hesitate to put up the youtube clip because it should be watched in the movie, but hopefully this will entice you to watch all of GGGR

You call yourself a salesman you sonofabitch?

Interesting Facts:

• Co-star Jack Lemmon said the cast was the greatest acting ensemble he had ever been part of. This is also both director James Foley's and Alec Baldwin's favorite film of their own.
• As of 2008, the cast includes four actors (Alan Arkin, Jack Lemmon, Kevin Spacey and Al Pacino) who have won Academy Awards and two others (Alec Baldwin and Ed Harris) who have been nominated for Academy Awards.
• Ever since its release, the film has been used to train real life salesmen how to sell and how not to sell.

Final Comments: I thought about giving this movie two reviews; one for business people, and one for movie fans. But, after much debating with myself, it's going to get one review because it deserves it.

5/5 Kevo's - O, you didn't read that wrong. Yea, this get's the first 5 Kevo rating yet. The acting, script, plot, twists, everything that was this movie, is why you should put this right on top of your Netflix Account. Or, if you're my buddy Lemperis, you can illegally download it off the internet. O wait, you can't, because your apartment complex shut down your internet because of that. Apartment complex Burn.

Watch Pacino in his purest form. See Kevin Spacey be a dickhead manager. Watch Baldwin curse out an old man. If your in sales, learn something from this. If you buy a car, learn what to watch out for with salespeople. If you love a good acting performance, watch a GREAT acting performance by an entire cast. Directors only wish they could make a movie like this, because it's just too easy when all the pieces are there for you to work with. A great script, a great cast, and one hell of a time.


I gotta end this on a sales quote, right? Yea, I do.

"That watch costs more than you car. I made $970,000 last year. How much you make? You see pal, that's who I am, and you're nothing. Nice guy? I don't give a shit. Good father? Fuck you! Go home and play with your kids. You wanna work here - close! You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse, you cocksucker? You can't take this, how can you take the abuse you get on a sit? You don't like it, leave. "

-Blake (Alec Baldwin)

Just Saw Inception

So I figured it wouldn't be right if I went to see the most hyped movie of the summer and didn't post something about it. Now, I'm not writing this to tell everyone how much I liked the plot, or how sexy Leo looks (dreamy). I am just going to mention one thing I liked about this movie.

Originality. That simple. I liked how this movie was not based on a book. It wasn't a remake from a movie made 30 years ago that wasn't even that good back then, and wasn't that good when it was remade. It wasn't a spin off that should never have happened and anyone involved in that movie should be banned from Hollywood. Do I seem a little tense. Well, this list should explain why.

Freaky Friday
Rollerball
The Shaggy Dog
The Love Bug
Twilight Movies (Fuck Team Edward and the rest of em. I'm Team Blade, the daywalker)
Any scary movie that was redone and ruined the credibility of the first (Nightmare on Elm Street, Halloween, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, etc.)
Spider man (yea, in case you don't know, they are re-launching the spider man movies)
Red Dawn (coming out in a year)
The Last Airbender (good luck redeeming yourself after that pile of shit Shyamalan)

This movie was great because it was an idea that grew from Christopher Nolan's mind and made it's way onto the big screen in a most glorious form.

In a summer full of flops, having a movie like Inception was a breath of fresh air. I salute you, Christopher Nolan, for taking YOUR ideas to the silver screen. Bravo.

Do you know any crappy remakes or bookmovies? If you do, post em up.

Question of the Week

Since I don't write enough reviews for people to check out, I thought I'd throw a question in here or there for you to mull over. It's something I do with my friends, so keeping it "movie style", I'll do them once in a while on here.

-Would you ever support a Calvin and Hobbes movie? Would you have supported it more if it was done when you were a kid reading the comic? Live action, Cartoon, or Pixar?

I ask this because many comics have been put to the big screen recently, but very rarely done well (Garfield, Alvin and the Chipmunks, etc.). Smurfs is coming out in theaters in the same form that Alvin and the Chipmunks was done in a few years ago, so I figured I'd ask for C&H.

P.S. - I still read Calvin and Hobbes on occasion.

June 18th Movie of the Week

Layer Cake

Director: Matthew Vaughn
Writer: J.J. Connolly

Actors: (High five if you know any of these actors before looking them up, besides D.C.)
Daniel Craig
Tom Hardy
Jamie Foreman
Sally Hawkins
Burn Gorman

Ratings: 7.4/10 on IMDB
81% on Rotten Tomatoes

Trailer: Layer Cake

Plot Summary: On the eve to an early retirement, successful cocaine dealer Mr. X (Daniel Craig) gets his final assignments; retreive his boss' associates lost daughter, and organize the purchase and distribution of 1 million extasy tabs.

4 Word Sum-Up: "James Bond meets drugs"

Opinion: Before we get into this, I want to give a shout out to Lyons for introducing me to this movie. I have a respect for his selections and this didn't falter that. Big ups Ando.

Do you like Snatch? I sure do. In fact, I haven't met someone who doesn't like Snatch. If you don't like Snatch, you're gay. It's a great script with solid acting (realize I'm talking about the movie yet?). While Layer Cake is not on that level, it was developed by the same producers, minus the touch of Guy Ritchie. Regardless of that, it stays true to British form and keeps a good mafia undertone to it.

There are certain things in the movie that I like to point out, per usual. In my plot summary, I didn't give you much to take in. My reason for that is because the movie has twists in it's plot that I don't feel should be divulged. Also, it's Friday, and I don't feel like thinking too hard. Even Kevo needs a day off, because frankly, if I have to watch one more shitty science movie that isn't Bill Nye, I'm going to sell an entire 7th grade class to Nike's Shoemaking division in China for a pair of Jordans.

Daniel Craig's character, XXXX, is not his real name because his character's name is never mentioned. Why, you ask? I have no idea. BUT, if I had to guess, I would say its to give you a feel for how his character likes to live; underground and unknown. For this reason you will realize something during Layer Cake; this is the part that sealed him the James Bond role. If I were to watch this movie and continue a marathon by putting in Casino Royale right after, it would almost seem like a sequel, with James Bond ridding his old drug dealing ways.

What I disliked: To be honest, there isn't too much that I didn't enjoy about this movie. So, I decided to look on Rotten Tomatoes to see what people had to say negatively about this movie.

"The film is lamentably short of narrative coherence" - Peter Howell (Toronto Star)

What the FUCK does that mean? Hey Peter, you write for the Toronto Star, quit trying to act like a respectable critic and just review it in english you stupid Canuck. Here's my review of your review...

"Peter Howell's review is chock full of unintentional douchebaggery, while quite investigatory, falls shorts of being true to form and comes out more like a steamy pile of fecal waste".

But looking past this skinny wiener Peter Howell, there was only one real issue I could come up with that really isn't an issue anyways, but I wouldn't be right if I didn't say it. It's no Snatch. Ya, maybe it doesn't need to be, but when very few movies come out of the land of snaggled teeth, it needs to be stated. It only brought in ~2.5 million in box office, which while great for this reviewers underground feel, it proves it didn't have people flocking to go see it. Maybe it's just one of those movies that gains its prominence out of theatres like Boondock Saints.

There ya go. What didn't I like? Douchebags who write reviews that make no sense on a movie that deserves better. Also, the fact it is a small time movie that unfortunately didn't do well in theaters.

What I liked: I can say a lot of good things about this movie. For a couple quick things that don't need explaining would be; the casting, D.C.'s acting, the story, etc. However, those are things that should be implied by now. Here are a few things you might also like.

Soundtrack: If you are a big fan of music, I will say that the soundtrack was highly enjoyable for me. It had a great mix of different British artists such as the main song by The Cult "She Sells Sanctuary". Everytime I hear that song, it gets me jones'n for this movie.

Sienna Miller: Even though she's in this movie briefly, she's sexy. It was unfortunate we never get to see her naked, because I'm sure Peter Howell would have given this movie a much better review.

You don't need subtitles: If you have ever seen Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, you will like that you can actually understand what's being said without needing subtitles.

How it did so much with so little: This is a general statement that adds everything good this movie did, for the little it had. For example:

• There were no huge explosions that a Jerry Buckheimer movie needs
• No crazy CGI effects that J.J. Abrams needs to make Star Trek appealing to people who don't play Dungeons and Dragons in their parents basement.
• No expensive list of actors that a crappy script needs to bring in money.

No, this movie didn't need anything special to make it great. That's what might be the best part about it. You appreciate what it didn't have and what it made it into; a solid movie.

Favorite Scene: It's a shame the scene I want to show isn't working on youtube, but it would have been the scene with the song "She Sells Sanctuary" in it. It's a driving scene that gets the movie off to a great pace (no pun intended), and gets you excited for what the movie is all about.

Interesting Facts:

• A layered cake is actually eaten during the movie (but it's not what the movies about)


• During the scene in which Gene gives XXXX a handgun, director Matthew Vaughn says on the DVD commentary that XXXX "wants to be James Bond." Daniel Craig (XXXX) was announced as the successor to Pierce Brosnan in the role of James Bond almost exactly one year after this film's original release.


• Guy Ritchie was in place to direct the movie, but had to drop out due to commitments

Final Comments: I thoroughly enjoyed this movie from beginning to end. Like I stated earlier, I had no real issues with it that would keep it from getting a good review.

4/5 Kevo's - Throw this movie on the top of your Netflix account if there isn't anything of substance prior to it. Ya I didn't give it a 5, but those are only reserved for movies that revolutionize cinema in some way. For underground movies, this is superb. If you find that you don't like it, I will write a review on any movie you want and let you rate it.

Line I'm going to end it on...

"I'm not a gangster, just a businessman. And my commodity happens to be cocaine."
- XXXX