Did you understand the title? No, well you're retarded. This segment of the Kevo Blog is about Dance Montages. Before I start this, I will give a major Shout Out to Kaylan. You are a great fan, and will forever be an inspiration. Thanks for all of the support.
Are you familiar with a montage? If you aren't, the word "montage" in dictionary.com (no free advertisements, so for your own sake don't go there because of me, I get no money) means: "A single pictorial composition made by juxtaposing or superimposing many pictures or designs". Put the word "Dance" in front of it, it translates to "A gay pictorial composition made by juxtaposing or superimposing many pictures or designs." Aka, an 80's or 90's dance situation that is unnecessary, unreal, and nobody wanted to happen in the first place. So, what are the most stupid ones I have ever seen? Without further or due, I make fun of......
1) Encino Man
Did you see this movie? O, I'm sorry, you probably didn't see this piece of crap in between the other shitty Paulie Shore movies called "Bio Dome", "Son in Law", and "In The Army Now". O, you saw them, well......you saw the best of them. This movie had a great dance montage at the end, where the caveman created a dance that he did once, and aaaaallllll of a sudden, everyone performed at the same time. This, of course, was at the climax of the movie where it was exposed that the Encinoman, was...........an ECINOMAN. Sorry to kill the ending.
Who cares about cool anyway, right?
2) Ferris Bueller
How could you make fun of a great movie like this, right? Well, yea. I can't. But, you can be damn sure I'm gonna make fun of the stupid dance sequence that comes from his "Twist and Shout" montage. Yea, it's in between the part where Ferris doesn't get caught, and where Ferris doesn't get caught. Remember it? Well, not only does he not have all the diseases the school made up for him, he actually DANCES during his "ailness". Hey Ferris, I'm with your sister....Fuck You.
I'm sorry, I couldn't find the real scene. Does this help, or hurt my point? Honestly, I just wanted to see the black dude cesures down the steps. Sweeeeeeet.
3) Teen Wolf
God Damnit! I Love Michaeal J. Fox. Not in a gay way, but pretty close to it. Back to the Future, Back to the Future 2, um.....Back to the Future 3? Who cares, he was awesome enough in the first one. However, in Teen Wolf, I have to question it all. I loved how it played out, and it's climactic ending in the basketball game. But the ending? Why do ALL 80's MOVIES HAVE TO END IN AWESOME PROM OR HOMECOMING DANCES? Am I wrong? No, here's an example. Everyone, do the Wolf.....
4) Steve Urkel
What? This isn't a movie? How could Kevo do this?
Want to know how? Because I can. I grew up on this show. It's called "Family Matters" and it rocked. Yea, if you haven't seen it, you: 1, suck. And 2, obviously aren't from Chicago. Because........
It's a rare condition, this day and age,
to read any good news on the newspaper page.
Love and tradition of the grand design,
some people say it's even harder to find.
However, how could I hate on this show. O, thats right, just like this.
Steve Urkel Dance
Yea, I know I don't have the video. The video is installed. However, if you can get a group of 5 or more at a party to do this dance, it's a Kevo promise, I will give you $50. No joke. Send it to me, and I will literally give you $50.
5) Wedding Montages
O, look at us, we're so funny. We can make everyone in our party do exactly the same thing that is on the internet.
You're uncreative. Stop trying to act like walking down the isle to a "dance" is like creating a new section of the Bible. EVERYONE IS DOING IT! How many times do I have to see some person post a video of their wedding party doing a "wedding montage". Want to know what would get more hits? How about posting a video of someone saying "no". Ever seen that on Youtube? Of course not, because it's more original than someone coming out to "Beat It" by Michael Jackson.
I'm not saying, I'm just saying.
Kevo Out
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Kevo's Movie Trivia
As I've stated before, I look up movie facts after I watch a movie. Most recent movie I have seen, At Close Range, starring Sean Penn, Christopher Walken, and Chris Penn. It was made in 1986, and as much as I wish it was a top notch movie, it wasn't, hence why I don't really want to do a movie review. In short, 2.5/5 Kevo's. However, seeing as two great actors were apart of it, I had another great idea. And what is that, you might ask yourself. How about a couple of fun trivia facts that you may, or may not, know that could get you laid the next time your out at the bars. Ok, maybe not, but they are worthwhile.
What actor/actresses have the most Academy Award wins (main and supporting)?
Katharine Hepburn - 4
Jack Nicholson - 3
Ingrid Bergman - 3
Walter Brennan - 3
Meryl Streep - 2 (has been nominated the most of anyone with 16 noms. And the biggest loser award goes to.....)
And many more with 2, including Denzel, Hanks, Penn, De Niro, Brando, and Day-Lewis
What movie holds the record for most expensive, and what movie holds the record for highest gross?
Most Expensive - Pirates of the Carribbean At Worlds End: $300 million. What a waste of money
Highest Gross - Avatar: $2.76 Trillion Worldwide Gross. And who holds the #2 spot: Titanic. It's official, James Cameron truly is "King of the World".
What movie holds the record for most Oscar Wins?
It's a 3 way tie. Mmmmm, sexy.
Titanic (most Oscar noms. as well with 14), Ben-Hur, and The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King have all won 11 Oscars.
Sorry if you are a fan, but really? LOTR 3 was not that good, at all. I may be the only one who thinks so, but while it was happening, I felt it kept dragging on and wouldn't end (that's what she said). To make it even worse, when it finally ended, the audience did that thing when they all clap and holler. NO ONE WHO MADE THE MOVIE IS IN THE AUDIENCE YOU RETARDS, SO STOP CLAPPING! It's like trying to yell at a def guy, be as loud as you want, but they're not going to heeaar yoouu. Hello, McFly!
O, and more props to James Cameron on this list. Coincidence his initials are J.C.? I think not....
What was the first movie to feature nudity by a lead actor?
Audrey Muson appeared nude in the 1915 silent film Inspiration. A woman who is nude and silent? Brilliant! Too bad the 19th Amendment ruined everything.
What actor has appeared in the most movies ever?
We need to seperate this into two catergories. O, and Porn doesn't count.
Mr. Mel Blanc has been in the most movies ever with 1014 (using IMDB), but mostly as a voice. Still counts though.
What actor has appeared the most in a leading role? That is the one, the only.......JOHN WAYNE! That's right partner, The Duke reigns supreme.
And because I know you were curious, it's Ron Jeremy with over 2,000 films. Times that by the size of his penis in inches, and you get 785,394,302.
What is the most successful low-budget film ever made?
I'm sure many of you aren't surprised with The Blair Witch Project. It had a $600,000 budget, and grossed roughly $249 million worldwide. This attributes to it as the highest ratio of box office sales to production costs. It also spawned the use of using a viral internet campaign for advertisement.
What movie has the most sequels?
Is it a scary movie, like Friday the 13th or Halloween? Perhaps the Land Before Time series? The James Bond Franchise with 22? Is it Amateur Sluts, with over 200? Well, excluding porn movies again, the winner is....
Godzilla. Based on some research and excluding retarded Foreign Films like Huang Fei-hong zhuan: Bian feng mie zhu which has 88 sequels, Godzirra is the winner. Sorry, trying to pronounce that Huang movie made me pronounce Godzilla like an asian. It was a tight race, but the big lizard wins, as always.
Well, there ya have it. I don't really have any more to put up, but if you send me a interesting trivia question on facebook, I'll add it to this list.
You stay classy, San Diego. I'm Kevo?
Damnit! Who typed a question mark on the Teleprompter!
What actor/actresses have the most Academy Award wins (main and supporting)?
Katharine Hepburn - 4
Jack Nicholson - 3
Ingrid Bergman - 3
Walter Brennan - 3
Meryl Streep - 2 (has been nominated the most of anyone with 16 noms. And the biggest loser award goes to.....)
And many more with 2, including Denzel, Hanks, Penn, De Niro, Brando, and Day-Lewis
What movie holds the record for most expensive, and what movie holds the record for highest gross?
Most Expensive - Pirates of the Carribbean At Worlds End: $300 million. What a waste of money
Highest Gross - Avatar: $2.76 Trillion Worldwide Gross. And who holds the #2 spot: Titanic. It's official, James Cameron truly is "King of the World".
What movie holds the record for most Oscar Wins?
It's a 3 way tie. Mmmmm, sexy.
Titanic (most Oscar noms. as well with 14), Ben-Hur, and The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King have all won 11 Oscars.
Sorry if you are a fan, but really? LOTR 3 was not that good, at all. I may be the only one who thinks so, but while it was happening, I felt it kept dragging on and wouldn't end (that's what she said). To make it even worse, when it finally ended, the audience did that thing when they all clap and holler. NO ONE WHO MADE THE MOVIE IS IN THE AUDIENCE YOU RETARDS, SO STOP CLAPPING! It's like trying to yell at a def guy, be as loud as you want, but they're not going to heeaar yoouu. Hello, McFly!
O, and more props to James Cameron on this list. Coincidence his initials are J.C.? I think not....
What was the first movie to feature nudity by a lead actor?
Audrey Muson appeared nude in the 1915 silent film Inspiration. A woman who is nude and silent? Brilliant! Too bad the 19th Amendment ruined everything.
What actor has appeared in the most movies ever?
We need to seperate this into two catergories. O, and Porn doesn't count.
Mr. Mel Blanc has been in the most movies ever with 1014 (using IMDB), but mostly as a voice. Still counts though.
What actor has appeared the most in a leading role? That is the one, the only.......JOHN WAYNE! That's right partner, The Duke reigns supreme.
And because I know you were curious, it's Ron Jeremy with over 2,000 films. Times that by the size of his penis in inches, and you get 785,394,302.
What is the most successful low-budget film ever made?
I'm sure many of you aren't surprised with The Blair Witch Project. It had a $600,000 budget, and grossed roughly $249 million worldwide. This attributes to it as the highest ratio of box office sales to production costs. It also spawned the use of using a viral internet campaign for advertisement.
What movie has the most sequels?
Is it a scary movie, like Friday the 13th or Halloween? Perhaps the Land Before Time series? The James Bond Franchise with 22? Is it Amateur Sluts, with over 200? Well, excluding porn movies again, the winner is....
Godzilla. Based on some research and excluding retarded Foreign Films like Huang Fei-hong zhuan: Bian feng mie zhu which has 88 sequels, Godzirra is the winner. Sorry, trying to pronounce that Huang movie made me pronounce Godzilla like an asian. It was a tight race, but the big lizard wins, as always.
Well, there ya have it. I don't really have any more to put up, but if you send me a interesting trivia question on facebook, I'll add it to this list.
You stay classy, San Diego. I'm Kevo?
Damnit! Who typed a question mark on the Teleprompter!
Monday, September 6, 2010
5 Movies That Upset Kevo's Future Dreams
Alright, back with another addition of the Kevo Movie Blog. It's late at night and I'm very upset. I know, I know, you're probably upset too. Cause you saw that VT vs. Boise State football game too. No? Well, I guess if you didn't, then you don't understand why I put out a death warrant on that old fuck Musburger like the firemen did on the Muslims who want to build a mosque at the 9/11 site. I hope BSU bends over and takes a train full of Idaho potatoes in their asses. Too harsh, well, you might want to not read the rest of the things that ruined my childhood dreams.
1) Total Recall
Kevo, you are upset that we haven't landed on Mars, or have no possiblity of landing on Mars at any point soon? No, that is not why I am upset. I first watched that movie with my Uncle, Uncle Leif (yes, that is his name. He is of Nordish decent, so automatically deemed a badass). Good ol Uncle Leif loves all movies that start with Schwarz, and end with Negger. That's an "e" you racists. He loves Arnie, and Total Recall was the first movie that I saw boobs in (if you understand the Kevo rating, that gets an automatic extra point in the system). Did I see 1, yes. did I see 2, yes. Did I see 3, YES! Have I ever seen 3 boobs on a girl ever, NOOOOOO! Therefore, Total Recall has not lived up to the hype. I have yet to see 3 boobs in my lifetime (at one time that is).
2) Little Big League
This is one of those movies that came out along with another movie very similar. A few come to mind; Deep Impact and Armageddon, Antz and A Bug's Life, Rookie of the Year and Little Big League.
"Some pitchers like to ice up their arms after a game, while others feel that HEAT is the answer. I’ve found the solution Henry…HOT ICE! I just heat up, the ice cubes. Its the best of both worlds!" Mad props to my old band Hot Ice.
This movie DESTROYED everything that I wanted as a kid. When I was fielding ground balls like the "vacuum" they used to call me, I figured "Kevo, if this doesn't work out, you can always manage a baseball team by your teenage years and ride that til college". O, could I?
NO. I couldn't. And if you find the asshole whole actually got to manage a baseball team (fantasy doesn't count dorks), then take that pine tar, and have Sosa cork his butthole. I HAD DREAMS!
3) Back To The Future
Congratulations BTTF on your 25 years of respect from nerds, Michael J Fox, and Huey Lewis fans everywhere. You have established this movie as one to look to the future, because if we can't solve our problems now, lets go back in time and change it so it all works now. Or, as I like to refer to it as, the movie that made everything look within reach, actually be WAY TO FAR INTO THE FUTURE. Let's have a look...
Still can't fly a car, ride a hoverskateboard, or have a creepy old man hang out with a teenage boy. Sales for white vans everywhere have tanked since.
I was fully expecting to be able to fly to school by now. I used to read the ads in the back of "Boys Life" magazine and see the "hovercraft vehicle" that was easily assembled with a vacuum motor and spare parts around your house. O, was it easy? Why don't you tell that to my friend Jimmy who we now call Nemo because he got his arm cut off from that product. And you thought my dreams were killed...
4) National Lampoon's Vegas Vacation
Please, when I reference any of the National Lampoons movies, take it as a grain of salt. They are all exceptional, especially Christmas Vacation (don't you just wish you had an Uncle Eddie?). However, have you ever been gambling? Cause I sure as hell have, and never have I had this happen...
"Well, four slot machines and I won four cars. You know, I put a dollar in, I got a car. I put a dollar in, I got a car. I put a dollar in, I got a car. I put a dollar in, I got a car."
Hey, Papa Georgio, go put a dollar in your dick hole, because THAT NEVER HAPPENS TO ANYONE! Last time I gambled, this happened.
"O, you know Dad. I put a dollar in, I lost. I put a dollar in, I lost my car. I put a dollar in, I got crabs". Go back to Yuma Arizona.
5) Ten Things I Hate About You
This movie had a lot of things going for them at the time. Heath Ledger, Joseph Gordon Levitt, and Alex Mac. What it didn't have, was high hopes for anyone who wished to sing "You're Just Too Good To Be True" by Frankie Vallie and the Four Seasons at a karaoke event on their cruise to Alaska. Was it I, Kevo, who dared to take the plunge in karaoke by his lonesome on a cruise ship.......yes. Did I succeed? No, and unfortunately, there is video evidence to prove this. 30 seconds of it to be exact. What did I learn?
Autotune isn't just used in music, it's used in movies too.
I can sing as good as Hasselhoff can stay sober.
Alcohol may make you think can sing, but just like crabs, your humility will last forever.
So there you have it. 5 Movies that made me have high hopes as a kid, but never came true.
P.S. I never had crabs you idiots. I had the clap.
1) Total Recall
Kevo, you are upset that we haven't landed on Mars, or have no possiblity of landing on Mars at any point soon? No, that is not why I am upset. I first watched that movie with my Uncle, Uncle Leif (yes, that is his name. He is of Nordish decent, so automatically deemed a badass). Good ol Uncle Leif loves all movies that start with Schwarz, and end with Negger. That's an "e" you racists. He loves Arnie, and Total Recall was the first movie that I saw boobs in (if you understand the Kevo rating, that gets an automatic extra point in the system). Did I see 1, yes. did I see 2, yes. Did I see 3, YES! Have I ever seen 3 boobs on a girl ever, NOOOOOO! Therefore, Total Recall has not lived up to the hype. I have yet to see 3 boobs in my lifetime (at one time that is).
2) Little Big League
This is one of those movies that came out along with another movie very similar. A few come to mind; Deep Impact and Armageddon, Antz and A Bug's Life, Rookie of the Year and Little Big League.
"Some pitchers like to ice up their arms after a game, while others feel that HEAT is the answer. I’ve found the solution Henry…HOT ICE! I just heat up, the ice cubes. Its the best of both worlds!" Mad props to my old band Hot Ice.
This movie DESTROYED everything that I wanted as a kid. When I was fielding ground balls like the "vacuum" they used to call me, I figured "Kevo, if this doesn't work out, you can always manage a baseball team by your teenage years and ride that til college". O, could I?
NO. I couldn't. And if you find the asshole whole actually got to manage a baseball team (fantasy doesn't count dorks), then take that pine tar, and have Sosa cork his butthole. I HAD DREAMS!
3) Back To The Future
Congratulations BTTF on your 25 years of respect from nerds, Michael J Fox, and Huey Lewis fans everywhere. You have established this movie as one to look to the future, because if we can't solve our problems now, lets go back in time and change it so it all works now. Or, as I like to refer to it as, the movie that made everything look within reach, actually be WAY TO FAR INTO THE FUTURE. Let's have a look...
Still can't fly a car, ride a hoverskateboard, or have a creepy old man hang out with a teenage boy. Sales for white vans everywhere have tanked since.
I was fully expecting to be able to fly to school by now. I used to read the ads in the back of "Boys Life" magazine and see the "hovercraft vehicle" that was easily assembled with a vacuum motor and spare parts around your house. O, was it easy? Why don't you tell that to my friend Jimmy who we now call Nemo because he got his arm cut off from that product. And you thought my dreams were killed...
4) National Lampoon's Vegas Vacation
Please, when I reference any of the National Lampoons movies, take it as a grain of salt. They are all exceptional, especially Christmas Vacation (don't you just wish you had an Uncle Eddie?). However, have you ever been gambling? Cause I sure as hell have, and never have I had this happen...
"Well, four slot machines and I won four cars. You know, I put a dollar in, I got a car. I put a dollar in, I got a car. I put a dollar in, I got a car. I put a dollar in, I got a car."
Hey, Papa Georgio, go put a dollar in your dick hole, because THAT NEVER HAPPENS TO ANYONE! Last time I gambled, this happened.
"O, you know Dad. I put a dollar in, I lost. I put a dollar in, I lost my car. I put a dollar in, I got crabs". Go back to Yuma Arizona.
5) Ten Things I Hate About You
This movie had a lot of things going for them at the time. Heath Ledger, Joseph Gordon Levitt, and Alex Mac. What it didn't have, was high hopes for anyone who wished to sing "You're Just Too Good To Be True" by Frankie Vallie and the Four Seasons at a karaoke event on their cruise to Alaska. Was it I, Kevo, who dared to take the plunge in karaoke by his lonesome on a cruise ship.......yes. Did I succeed? No, and unfortunately, there is video evidence to prove this. 30 seconds of it to be exact. What did I learn?
Autotune isn't just used in music, it's used in movies too.
I can sing as good as Hasselhoff can stay sober.
Alcohol may make you think can sing, but just like crabs, your humility will last forever.
So there you have it. 5 Movies that made me have high hopes as a kid, but never came true.
P.S. I never had crabs you idiots. I had the clap.
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