It wouldn't be right if I didn't put up a holiday themed post. Well, you can thank my friend Ari, who repeatedly reminded me that it is my duty to put up something of that nature. So, I decided on a Christmas theme. Yea, you heard me, CHRISTMAS! I know some of my friends are Jewish, but this is the only December holiday I understand. If you're offended, go throw in an Adam Sandler CD, cause I'm sorry, I don't care.
And Kwanza? What the fuck is that?
Anyways, with much help from my friend Ben, I finally settled on an idea that shouldn't cause too much debate. Let's be honest, if I did a "Top 10 Holiday Movie List", it would be contested until next year. So, I've come to...
5 Common Holiday Movie Cliches
Intrigued? You should be, because it just wouldn't be christmas without...
1) Some Shitty Guests
This cliche usually provides the most laughs you will get out of a holiday movie. My personal favorite shitty guest is an inlaw, and his name is Cousin Eddie. I don't think it's possible to combine as many horrendous qualities in a person, and still wish that he would show up at your house to empty his septic tank into the sewer. Not only do I salute this man, but I salute his hat.
Other guests to include in my shitty holiday are:
Kevin's Uncle Frank in "Home Alone" - Look what you did, you little jerk.
Willie Stokes in "Bad Santa" - If this guy managed to finagle his way into your home on Christmas, he's probably looking for some "damn sandwhiches" and a way to bang your mom.
Santa Claus in "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" - Ok, I never saw this movie, but the title explains it all. Santa's a two timing whore trying to get on all the groupie, gold digging moms out there. Just be careful, that's not reindeer sausage in his pocket.
2) A Life That Sucks (but in actuality it really isn't that bad; it's more like YOU suck)
You know exactly what movies this theme runs in: A Christmas Carol, It's a Wonderful Life, How The Grinch Stole Christmas, and more. So, how about we focus on the first three.
No, Scrooge, you're life doesn't suck, YOU SUCK. Maybe it would be a little better if you stopped picking on little handicapped boys who just want to spread some christmas cheer. O, and give a raise for once in your life. You're so cheap I'm surprised you're not celebrating Chanukah instead.
No, Jimmy Stewart, you're life doesn't suck, YOU SUCK. Well, actually, you're a really nice guy. You saved you're brothers life; you're boss' life; and even promised the moon to a girl, and weren't even mad when she didn't put out. You just didn't have any luck on your side. But you know who else didn't; EVERYONE. What makes you so special you feel the need to go off yourself? It's called a depression, and if you were a little more careful with everyone's money, maybe you wouldn't be in the situation you're in. You know what, you do suck. And so does that asshole Clarence.
No, Mr. Grinch, you're life doesn't suck, YOU SUCK. You're living like a homeless person in a cave just because you hate the holidays? What? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. You need to get off you're ass, get a haircut, and find a job Grinch. No one's giving free handouts with the economy the way it is, and there's no chance you're going to get laid if you don't get rid of that beer belly. If you're going to hate on people, dress up as a pimp and go to a "Playa Hata's Ball"
3) Something Claymation
Any movies involving the North Pole generally come in claymation form. Frosty the snowman movies, rudolph movies, and the beginning of Elf. There is nothing wrong with this, as it seems it's become rather "classic" to enrich your movie this way.
What isn't classical, though, was "A Nightmare Before Christmas". I have not seen that movie in ages, because quite frankly, it scared the shit out of me. Tim Burton is demented, and ruined my Christmas for one year as a child with that movie. Who makes a movie mixing Christmas, Halloween, and kidnapping all in one? Claymation was a happy way to make holiday films, until 1993.
Also, maybe it's just me, but when I see a Frosty the Snowman and Arctic Puffin talking to eachother in a claymation movie; I immediately think they are going to battle to the death because of the many hours I spent playing Clayfighter. Thinking about it, maybe that ruined claymation for me...
4) For everyone 1 good movie, there are 5 crappy ones
The title explains it, but for more clarification, I'll list some of the "gems" I'm talking about:
Santa with Muscles (1996) — An evil millionaire gets amnesia and then believes that he is Santa Claus.
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964) — Martians kidnap Santa Claus because there is nobody on Mars to give their children presents.
Santa's Slay (2005) — In this horror/comedy movie, it is revealed that Santa Claus is actually a demon who lost a bet with an Angel, but when the bet is off, he returns to his evil ways.
Santa Claus (1959) — Santa battles evil demons in outer space.
So based on these titles, if aliens ever attack, Christmas is off.
5) Tim Allen
This guy was in 4, count em, 4 christmas movies. Granted 3 of them started with "The Santa Claus", but there was no reason why he should have been in anymore than 1. "The Santa Claus" was a fun movie when I was a kid, but I have no intentions on seeing the 2 sequels, or the crapfest holiday movie "Christmas With The Kranks".
How did Tim Allen get the gig as Santa in the first place? It was 1994 and he was in the middle of a very successful television show "Home Improvement", but I don't think any kids were in need of a Binford 6100 chainsaw. However, he is a comedian, so I guess he would be able to spread holiday cheer. And if by holiday cheer you mean coke, then yes, he would be a perfect Santa for all the Christmas Rehab clinics in the land; seeing as he was busted for possession of 1.4 pounds of columbian bam bam in 1978. I guess it's gonna be a white christmas if Tim Allen's coming to town.
Well, there ya have it. Watch out for these Christmas Cliche's when you snuggle up to the fire with family this year.
O, and if you happen to watch one of those crappy holiday movies I listed, PLEASE let me know. I would love to hear how they are.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
December 7th Movie of the Week
Natural Born KillersDirector: Oliver Stone
Writers: Quentin Tarantino (story), David Veloz, Richard Rutowski, Oliver Stone
Actors:
Woody Harrelson - Mickey Knox
Juliette Lewis - Mallory Knox
Tom Sizemore - Det. Jack Scagnetti
Rodney Dangerfield - Mallory's Dad
Robert Downey Jr. - Wayne Gale
Tommy Lee Jones - Warden Dwight McClusky
Ratings: 7.1/10 on IMDB
52% on Rotten Tomatoes
It's been a while since I wrote a movie review (for anyone following, Wild Wild Gayfest was the last one I did in August). Let's see if I can remember how to do this...
Trailer: Natural Born Killers
Plot Summary: Two lovers embark on a killing spree that spans the country and leaves dozens dead in it's wake. Adorned by fans, and followed by the media, these "Bonnie and Clyde" type murderers are on the run from famed detective Jack Scagnetti, who's looking to add to his elaborate career by making an example of them. Directed by Oliver Stone, this socially satirical movie follows right in his footsteps by taking a controversial subject head on. Will your perceptions change about the media, or will you too fall in love with this psycotic duo?
My friends call me the shittier, cheaper version of Roger Ebert.
What I wish was told to me before I watched this movie: Hey Kevo, have you ever gone into a movie expecting one thing, and getting way more then you asked for? Well, expect that to happen here.
Opinion: Woah........ I don't really know what to say after I watched this. There are a couple movies that leave you speechless after you watch them (Schindler's List, American History X, Debbie Does Dallas), and this was one of them. It's been roughly two weeks since I finished this up, so I've been able to work through what I saw.
First of all, if you've seen any Oliver Stone movie, then expect to be offended if it's you he is making fun of. In this case, if you love reality shows title "blah blah Housewives", "blah blah of Love (1,2,3...10,11,12)", or anything involving some criminal, then you are the unfortunate subject this movie aims at. It's a satire on the idea that the media will cover anything that gets them ratings, and in turn Americans will glamorize it. If you think that is absurd, then think about the news and what it turns into.
Crash the White House party, be on a show called "Real Housewives of DC"
Be a complete bitch to your husband you had 8 kids with, hello "Jon and Bitch Plus 8"
Pretend your kid went in a balloon and is about to become the first accidental human astronaut, "Space Boy"
Well, the last one never got a show, but he stated that was his whole intention behind the stunt. 2/3 of those are criminal offenses, and the one that's not should be, because being a bitch who whores her children out to the media deserves jail time. I bet at least 2 of those little bastards end up with teenage addiction to drugs or alcohol, any takers?
It's very interesting that this movie came out in 1994 because the concept of media overkill doesn't seem to be that bad compared to now. Yea, we had our fair share of reality television like Real World, but it wasn't even close to the crap that is followed now. Natural Born Killers seems like it came out before it's time, doesn't it? I know many of you probably haven't watched the movie, but if you think about the concept, doesn't it seem relatable to todays television?
Media is media. You take it with a grain of salt, and you chose your medium; whether it be internet, television, radio, or Kevo's Movie Blog (clearly unbiased, whitty, and clever). This movie hits home in a very odd sort of way that leaves you a little bit freaked out. And with that, is our que to the next segment...
What I disliked: Besides the fact that I was NOT ready for this movie at all, I didn't like how long it took to really get into. If you choose to see this movie, you will probably enjoy it. However, it takes a good amount of time to really understand where it's actually going after a while. Besides two people on a killing spree, the plot and message don't really come around until roughly 30 minutes. Stick with it, though, because it is very interesting.
Seeing as this movie was about the media, Oliver Stone used 18 different film formats. What this translates too is a very artsy, colorful, and wild film throughout. Plenty of black and white, extra lighting, and green screen was too much for me at times. I guess I don't see the necessity, but hey, I'm just a douchey reviewer who lives in his parents basement. The most artistic thing I ever made was an A-Z book about animals in the rainforest, and I'm pretty sure Mom did most of the work.
What I liked: The cast...
Woody Harrelson might have played the coolest role I have yet to see from him, besides White Men Can't Jump. I mean, you can't beat that role, and you can't beat him in basketball in that role. Unless you hustle him, of course.
Juliette Lewis would be the LAST person you'd expect for her part. I've seen her largely in comedies, and once as a retard (I don't know what her handicap was, so it's not polite to assume and offend people who have that handicap, so I'll generalize there). You'll be shocked at first when you see her.
Robert Downey Jr./Tom Sizemore - If you want to konw what Tom Sizemore would be like as a cop, this is exactly what I imagined. What would RDJ look like as a journalist? Well not this, but I threw him in there with TS for one reason. Can you guess it?
Did you say drugs? I think you said drugs. You said drugs, didn't you? Yeeeaaa, you did.
What were the early 90's like for these actors? I think I know, but I'm sure as hell they don't know, probably because they had more coke and drugs in their body than, well, THESE TWO IN THE 90S! I wonder what the wrap up party was like? I imagine it looked a lot like the last scene in scarface, except less guns, and more headfirst dives into piles of coke. O, and hookers, lots and lots of hookers.
As I've stated thoroughly, I enjoyed the concept because I think it is very relatable to how people get famous now. It's a shame to see how we glamourize people for doing wrong, acting wrong, or saying the wrong things. I don't want my kids growing up looking at a T.V. lineup full of shows featuring people who never did anything good to deserve it in the first place. Then again, Creed from The Office used to be an acid tripping musician, so you can't get rid of all of them.
Favorite Scene: There weren't any great scenes in this movie, so its hard to narrow just one of them down. Doing my best to not ruin the movie (hopefully I haven't done that so far), Woody Harrelson being interviewed. That's as far as I feel I can go.
Interesting Facts: Definitely one of the most interesting movie facts sections I have reviewed so far:
- The interview between Wayne Gale and Mickey was based upon Geraldo Rivera's interviews with Charles Manson and the infamous Mike Wallace interview with Manuel Noriega.
- Coca-Cola approved the use of the Polar Bear ads for its product in the movie without having a full idea of what the movie was about; when the Board of Directors saw the finished product, they were furious. (HAHAHA when stuff like that happens, it always makes me laugh for some reason.)
- Acclaimed as the #1 film of the 1990s by Entertainment Weekly
- Premiere voted this movie as one of "The 25 Most Dangerous Movies".
- Entertainment Weekly ranked the film as the 8th most controversial movie ever made.
Final Comments: I think those facts, especially the last 2, should wrap up everything I've been saying about the movie. It was good, don't get me wrong, but it is NOT for date night, with your parents, or if you're contemplating a mass murder spree.
3/5 Kevos - If you like what I wrote, then go out and get this movie. I don't lie about movies, because without endorsements, why would I. However, if you are queezy, into dramas, or your Netflix Que is full of Gossip Girl seasons, don't bother.
"The media is like the weather, only it's man-made weather."
-Mickey
10 minutes after writing this, Moviephone ranked this movie as 10 Most Controversial Movies of All Time
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
How did movies get Kevo through his teenage years...
Alright, I got my first post up after a long drought. Let's see if I can get back into full form.
I enjoy movies for many reasons. I could write them all down, but who needs another life lesson nowadays, right? How about reminiscing the life lessons we learned from movies during out teenage years, because that way, you will understand why I can never watch “There’s Something About Mary” with my mom again. Yes, Tim, the story must be told. IT MUST!
The best way I figure we can go about this is by stating a teenage issue, and applying a lesson learned from a movie. With pride on the line, we begin…
Puberty – It happens, and it’s inevitable. Everyone grows up and becomes a hairy beast. For some of us, our face explodes like Arnold Schwarzenneger's did in Total Recall. It’s Puberty, prepare yourself. However, I was never scared of growing excess hair, and it was because of this 80’s movie, “Teen Wolf”. Whoever said that being the hairy kid in school was awful; just wasn’t hairy enough. HE WAS THE SHIT! For some odd reason, instead of being hunted down by a mass mob and burned at the stake, he got better at basketball and chicks were clamoring for his nuts. How perfect, I’m short like Michael J. Fox, so this should work out perfectly. I can’t wait for high school Billy…
In fact, I can. What did puberty do for me? I got braces, had a squeaky voice, and like I stated, am still vertically challenged (or short, if you want to be a dick about it). Even though I still don’t have back hair (praise the lord), my white ass doesn’t go inside the 3 point line. At least I have my hairline and am not going bal…….SONOFABITCH!
Masturbation – Well I mentioned that an embarrassing story would be told, and here it is. Have you ever seen “There’s Something About Mary”? Yea. Ok, have you ever seen it with your parents? Maybe. Did you ever watch it with only your mom when you were in 6th grade and had avoided the sex talk up until now? Probably not. Well here is a good life lesson: when you are a teenager, movies start to become more graphic and they are not to be watched with your parents. While watching that movie, I asked my mom “What’s that stuff on his ear?”, and she proceeded to explain to me, vaguely, what older men do to themselves. Still not understanding this concept, I replied “So how many times am I supposed to do that?”. That’s when our relationship changed forever, and she walked out of the room to get my dad. To this day, I can’t look at hair gel the same. Well, what I thought was hair gel at the time…
Drugs – Don’t do drugs, mmkay. It’s as simple as that, and is overly stated during D.A.R.E. I bet that acronym brings back memories… Anyways, we see drugs referenced throughout movies, many now being seen in any movie Seth Rogen has a part in (he’s like the new Cheech and Chong, but with just Chong). There are, however, some of those movies that don’t show the fun side of drugs, and the most terrifying is “Requiem for a Dream”. Have you seen this movie? If you haven’t, then keep it that way. I think it’s sole purpose was to destroy of you wanting to do drugs, have sex, or be on a game show. I was horrified from this movie, and wouldn’t touch headache medicine for months. This taught me a life lesson that is very important; if you do drugs, you will either go to jail, cut your arm off, or become a sex slave. And believe it or not, I actually mean “and/or”, because 2/3 might happen to you. Drugs are bad, mmkay?
Sex – This is the last life lesson you get, because it’s likely the last hump in being a teenager (no pun intended). You need to hit puberty and be able to masturbate before you can have sex, and if you had sex before either of those, then you must have had some craaazzy drugs. Therefore, sex is our last life lesson.
Everyone remembers learning about sex in school, and how babies are made. You also remember seeing being shown the picture of the inside of a woman’s naughty part. It was like a treasure map of what sperm had to follow in order to make it all the way to the finish line. Also, doesn’t it look an awful lot like a bulls head to anyone else? The fallopian tubes looked like horns, and the uterus looks like the head. If you think I’m wrong, pull up that treasure map like view of a uterus, along with a bulls head. Do you see it now?
Anyways, it never made sense to me. What do you mean it has to travel along these bends and might not make it? Then, I saw “Look Who’s Talking”! The opening of that movie finally made me understand the process a baby goes through to get to the egg, and that all but one just won’t quite get there. Regardless, they looked like they were having a blast while doing it (again, no pun intended). Other topics realized in that movie include: how to get free lunches in the city, always be a gentleman to women, and all babies are badass Bruce Willi (that’s the spelling of multiple Bruce Willis’s).
I enjoy movies for many reasons. I could write them all down, but who needs another life lesson nowadays, right? How about reminiscing the life lessons we learned from movies during out teenage years, because that way, you will understand why I can never watch “There’s Something About Mary” with my mom again. Yes, Tim, the story must be told. IT MUST!
The best way I figure we can go about this is by stating a teenage issue, and applying a lesson learned from a movie. With pride on the line, we begin…
Puberty – It happens, and it’s inevitable. Everyone grows up and becomes a hairy beast. For some of us, our face explodes like Arnold Schwarzenneger's did in Total Recall. It’s Puberty, prepare yourself. However, I was never scared of growing excess hair, and it was because of this 80’s movie, “Teen Wolf”. Whoever said that being the hairy kid in school was awful; just wasn’t hairy enough. HE WAS THE SHIT! For some odd reason, instead of being hunted down by a mass mob and burned at the stake, he got better at basketball and chicks were clamoring for his nuts. How perfect, I’m short like Michael J. Fox, so this should work out perfectly. I can’t wait for high school Billy…
In fact, I can. What did puberty do for me? I got braces, had a squeaky voice, and like I stated, am still vertically challenged (or short, if you want to be a dick about it). Even though I still don’t have back hair (praise the lord), my white ass doesn’t go inside the 3 point line. At least I have my hairline and am not going bal…….SONOFABITCH!
Masturbation – Well I mentioned that an embarrassing story would be told, and here it is. Have you ever seen “There’s Something About Mary”? Yea. Ok, have you ever seen it with your parents? Maybe. Did you ever watch it with only your mom when you were in 6th grade and had avoided the sex talk up until now? Probably not. Well here is a good life lesson: when you are a teenager, movies start to become more graphic and they are not to be watched with your parents. While watching that movie, I asked my mom “What’s that stuff on his ear?”, and she proceeded to explain to me, vaguely, what older men do to themselves. Still not understanding this concept, I replied “So how many times am I supposed to do that?”. That’s when our relationship changed forever, and she walked out of the room to get my dad. To this day, I can’t look at hair gel the same. Well, what I thought was hair gel at the time…
Drugs – Don’t do drugs, mmkay. It’s as simple as that, and is overly stated during D.A.R.E. I bet that acronym brings back memories… Anyways, we see drugs referenced throughout movies, many now being seen in any movie Seth Rogen has a part in (he’s like the new Cheech and Chong, but with just Chong). There are, however, some of those movies that don’t show the fun side of drugs, and the most terrifying is “Requiem for a Dream”. Have you seen this movie? If you haven’t, then keep it that way. I think it’s sole purpose was to destroy of you wanting to do drugs, have sex, or be on a game show. I was horrified from this movie, and wouldn’t touch headache medicine for months. This taught me a life lesson that is very important; if you do drugs, you will either go to jail, cut your arm off, or become a sex slave. And believe it or not, I actually mean “and/or”, because 2/3 might happen to you. Drugs are bad, mmkay?
Sex – This is the last life lesson you get, because it’s likely the last hump in being a teenager (no pun intended). You need to hit puberty and be able to masturbate before you can have sex, and if you had sex before either of those, then you must have had some craaazzy drugs. Therefore, sex is our last life lesson.
Everyone remembers learning about sex in school, and how babies are made. You also remember seeing being shown the picture of the inside of a woman’s naughty part. It was like a treasure map of what sperm had to follow in order to make it all the way to the finish line. Also, doesn’t it look an awful lot like a bulls head to anyone else? The fallopian tubes looked like horns, and the uterus looks like the head. If you think I’m wrong, pull up that treasure map like view of a uterus, along with a bulls head. Do you see it now?
Anyways, it never made sense to me. What do you mean it has to travel along these bends and might not make it? Then, I saw “Look Who’s Talking”! The opening of that movie finally made me understand the process a baby goes through to get to the egg, and that all but one just won’t quite get there. Regardless, they looked like they were having a blast while doing it (again, no pun intended). Other topics realized in that movie include: how to get free lunches in the city, always be a gentleman to women, and all babies are badass Bruce Willi (that’s the spelling of multiple Bruce Willis’s).
Monday, November 22, 2010
Kevo's Top 10 Movies of 2000-2009
Top 10 Movies from first tenth of the Century…….dun dun duuunnn
Wow, it’s been a while, hasn’t it? It feels weird coming back to my old unemployment job (no, I didn’t get fired, I took maternity leave, and his name is Frederick). As many of you know, I used this website to promote “creative thinking” while I was warming up in the bullpen until I was called up to the big leagues for a job. That call came, and now I can feed Frederick.
I know many of you were hoping for a new movie review. That is currently in the works, so don’t start bitching just yet. I did, however, decide to give you all a little somesin’ somesin’ before someone “leaks” my review. So, what do I bring you….
KEVO’S TOP 10 MOVIES FROM THE FIRST TEN YEARS OF 2000
When you read that, it should be read like a comic book narrator who has a deep voice and something evil is being plotted. Now, I got this idea from a website that did the top 10 movies of the 90’s. Yea, it’s not a clever idea by me, but it is evil that I am jumping them on the next decade. Joblow.com 0 – Kevo 1.
Wow, it’s been a while, hasn’t it? It feels weird coming back to my old unemployment job (no, I didn’t get fired, I took maternity leave, and his name is Frederick). As many of you know, I used this website to promote “creative thinking” while I was warming up in the bullpen until I was called up to the big leagues for a job. That call came, and now I can feed Frederick.
I know many of you were hoping for a new movie review. That is currently in the works, so don’t start bitching just yet. I did, however, decide to give you all a little somesin’ somesin’ before someone “leaks” my review. So, what do I bring you….
KEVO’S TOP 10 MOVIES FROM THE FIRST TEN YEARS OF 2000
When you read that, it should be read like a comic book narrator who has a deep voice and something evil is being plotted. Now, I got this idea from a website that did the top 10 movies of the 90’s. Yea, it’s not a clever idea by me, but it is evil that I am jumping them on the next decade. Joblow.com 0 – Kevo 1.
- Just before I get into it, I will preface it by saying a few things. There will be a few Independent films. Indy people say “films”, I’m not sure why, but I think it has to do with them being snobby douchers who wear funny hats that White House interns wear when they blow the president. I started this site to get people out of their shell and see movies they may never have seen.
- I won’t put them in order of hierarchy. There is not point to that. The movies are going to be contested by people, so why contest it even more by saying my shitty picks are put in an even shittier order. Homie don’t play that.
- There will be a wide range of categories. I can’t put a list of just Jerry Bruckheimer movies just because you like watching the guy blow up more shit than Al Qaeda. Different movies with different tastes.
- Lastly, if your favorite movies are either Twilight or Pirates of the Caribbean, re evaluate your life. People in their 20’s shouldn’t be adoring movies with shitless teenage boys and old smelly pirates. That means you’re either a pedophile, or gold digging whore. Plus, ninjas trump both vampires and pirates without them even knowing it, because they’re that stealth.
Without further wait, and more of me rambling on, my best attempt at a top 10
- SNATCH (2000)– Ooooo boy, this movie makes my pants tighten up. Snatch has an incredible cast that is part of an even better script/plot/twist. I will always watch this movie, and will give a second look to any movies that come out of the UK, because that’s just how good this movie is. It would have been better if Michael Vick made a cameo in the dog fighting scene. Too soon?
- SPIDER MAN (2002) – Ya, it’s not one of my favorite movies, but it started the comic book craze. There may have been others before it, but this one took the concept and destroyed the box office with it, until Aquaman of course. To the people making a remake of this ALREADY, I wish only the worst during production (like actually being bitten by a spider and finding out that you don’t get super powers, you die).
- CITY OF GOD (2002) – This is a must see at one point in your life. You will know absolutely no one who is a part of this movie, but at the end, you will celebrate what they have done. Movies that don’t have much budgeting dollars should mimic how this movie came to be #18 on IMDB’s top 250. Also, it made me appreciate movies that are so good, you don’t even care you about subtitles.
- GLADIATOR (2000) - This movie, along with Saving Private Ryan, were the first few DVD’s I got. They also, to this day, are the best. NOBODY hates Gladiator. Nobody SHOULD hate Gladiator. Perfectly acted (hence the Oscar), scripted, and shot. Strength and Honor.
- BATMAN BEGINS (2005) – I know many people want to say DARK KNIGHT was way better, which in many cases, I would agree. But, would you even have that movie without this? No, of course not. BB relaunched a dying franchise that needed to take Marvel Comics off their high horse. Speaking of horses, this one didn’t have Maggie Gyllenhaal, which makes it better in that aspect.
- INGLORIOUS BASTERDS (2009) – Never being much of a Tarantino fan (he’s alright); I definitely enjoyed him more during this movie. It took a tragic history, and turned it into a clever concept. Also, Christopher Waltz plays one of the most intelligent, diabolically, classy evil characters. I won’t say it was Quentin’s best movie, for fear of being murdered by Tarantinhoes (what I call people who live and die by his work), but it is one of them.
- FINDING NEMO (2003)/WALL-E (2008) – Come oooooonnnn. Your gay side wanted a Pixar movie on this list. I have heard WALL-E is great (still have to see it), so I included it with Finding Nemo. I love that little retarded fish. All other Pixar movies were good but not quite as enjoyable, with exception to Ratatouille. I hope they make a Pixar short before the next movie comes out and have it be that rat looking for cheese to put in his dish, and he gets his head splattered by a trap. I watched it with a girl, and to make it worse, didn’t even get any. To hell with French people.
- THE DEPARTED (2006) – Easy choice. Great director, cast, and script. Nicholson shines, Decaprio whines, and Marky Mark plays bad cop. Nothing more to be said.
- THE WRESTLER (2008) – If you have ever owned a Wrestling Buddy (I had the Ultimate Warrior, aahh thank you), then you loved this movie. Not only did it capture the issue surrounding wrestling (addiction to steroids, prescription pain killers, and Speedos), but it added a love interest for the ladies. I’m not sure if women like this movie, but I feel they would. It also rejuvinated the careers of Mickey Rourke and Marisa Tomei (including her boobies). I guarantee you will be putting your brother in a headlock in the scene where he walks through the back entrance of the meat counter like he’s about to enter the ring. BA$NK.
Last but not least, we have to pick a comedy, right? Well, there are quite a few. Will it be American Pie, the “movie of our decade” as it was called? How about Wedding Crashers? Superbad was funny, right? Well, to finish the list strong is…….
THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST. No, just kidding. I’m going to hell for that joke.
10. Old School (2003) – If you look at all the great comedies in this decade, they probably involved one of these guys in some fashion. Anchorman, Wedding Crashers, etc. It will go down as one of the best college movies, and they aren’t technically in college. “Actually, funny thing sir, they found a loophole”. Is it weird to anyone else that Ari Gold and his wife are both in this, but not together?
So, there ya have it, my top 10. I know there are some that were left off the list, so I will acknowledge them the best I can: Almost Famous, The Prestige, Superbad, Pirates movies, Lord of the Rings movies, Mystic River, A Beautiful Mind, Kill Bills, Collateral, Requiem for a Dream, etc.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Kevo Hates Dance Montages
Did you understand the title? No, well you're retarded. This segment of the Kevo Blog is about Dance Montages. Before I start this, I will give a major Shout Out to Kaylan. You are a great fan, and will forever be an inspiration. Thanks for all of the support.
Are you familiar with a montage? If you aren't, the word "montage" in dictionary.com (no free advertisements, so for your own sake don't go there because of me, I get no money) means: "A single pictorial composition made by juxtaposing or superimposing many pictures or designs". Put the word "Dance" in front of it, it translates to "A gay pictorial composition made by juxtaposing or superimposing many pictures or designs." Aka, an 80's or 90's dance situation that is unnecessary, unreal, and nobody wanted to happen in the first place. So, what are the most stupid ones I have ever seen? Without further or due, I make fun of......
1) Encino Man
Did you see this movie? O, I'm sorry, you probably didn't see this piece of crap in between the other shitty Paulie Shore movies called "Bio Dome", "Son in Law", and "In The Army Now". O, you saw them, well......you saw the best of them. This movie had a great dance montage at the end, where the caveman created a dance that he did once, and aaaaallllll of a sudden, everyone performed at the same time. This, of course, was at the climax of the movie where it was exposed that the Encinoman, was...........an ECINOMAN. Sorry to kill the ending.
Who cares about cool anyway, right?
2) Ferris Bueller
How could you make fun of a great movie like this, right? Well, yea. I can't. But, you can be damn sure I'm gonna make fun of the stupid dance sequence that comes from his "Twist and Shout" montage. Yea, it's in between the part where Ferris doesn't get caught, and where Ferris doesn't get caught. Remember it? Well, not only does he not have all the diseases the school made up for him, he actually DANCES during his "ailness". Hey Ferris, I'm with your sister....Fuck You.
I'm sorry, I couldn't find the real scene. Does this help, or hurt my point? Honestly, I just wanted to see the black dude cesures down the steps. Sweeeeeeet.
3) Teen Wolf
God Damnit! I Love Michaeal J. Fox. Not in a gay way, but pretty close to it. Back to the Future, Back to the Future 2, um.....Back to the Future 3? Who cares, he was awesome enough in the first one. However, in Teen Wolf, I have to question it all. I loved how it played out, and it's climactic ending in the basketball game. But the ending? Why do ALL 80's MOVIES HAVE TO END IN AWESOME PROM OR HOMECOMING DANCES? Am I wrong? No, here's an example. Everyone, do the Wolf.....
4) Steve Urkel
What? This isn't a movie? How could Kevo do this?
Want to know how? Because I can. I grew up on this show. It's called "Family Matters" and it rocked. Yea, if you haven't seen it, you: 1, suck. And 2, obviously aren't from Chicago. Because........
It's a rare condition, this day and age,
to read any good news on the newspaper page.
Love and tradition of the grand design,
some people say it's even harder to find.
However, how could I hate on this show. O, thats right, just like this.
Steve Urkel Dance
Yea, I know I don't have the video. The video is installed. However, if you can get a group of 5 or more at a party to do this dance, it's a Kevo promise, I will give you $50. No joke. Send it to me, and I will literally give you $50.
5) Wedding Montages
O, look at us, we're so funny. We can make everyone in our party do exactly the same thing that is on the internet.
You're uncreative. Stop trying to act like walking down the isle to a "dance" is like creating a new section of the Bible. EVERYONE IS DOING IT! How many times do I have to see some person post a video of their wedding party doing a "wedding montage". Want to know what would get more hits? How about posting a video of someone saying "no". Ever seen that on Youtube? Of course not, because it's more original than someone coming out to "Beat It" by Michael Jackson.
I'm not saying, I'm just saying.
Kevo Out
Are you familiar with a montage? If you aren't, the word "montage" in dictionary.com (no free advertisements, so for your own sake don't go there because of me, I get no money) means: "A single pictorial composition made by juxtaposing or superimposing many pictures or designs". Put the word "Dance" in front of it, it translates to "A gay pictorial composition made by juxtaposing or superimposing many pictures or designs." Aka, an 80's or 90's dance situation that is unnecessary, unreal, and nobody wanted to happen in the first place. So, what are the most stupid ones I have ever seen? Without further or due, I make fun of......
1) Encino Man
Did you see this movie? O, I'm sorry, you probably didn't see this piece of crap in between the other shitty Paulie Shore movies called "Bio Dome", "Son in Law", and "In The Army Now". O, you saw them, well......you saw the best of them. This movie had a great dance montage at the end, where the caveman created a dance that he did once, and aaaaallllll of a sudden, everyone performed at the same time. This, of course, was at the climax of the movie where it was exposed that the Encinoman, was...........an ECINOMAN. Sorry to kill the ending.
Who cares about cool anyway, right?
2) Ferris Bueller
How could you make fun of a great movie like this, right? Well, yea. I can't. But, you can be damn sure I'm gonna make fun of the stupid dance sequence that comes from his "Twist and Shout" montage. Yea, it's in between the part where Ferris doesn't get caught, and where Ferris doesn't get caught. Remember it? Well, not only does he not have all the diseases the school made up for him, he actually DANCES during his "ailness". Hey Ferris, I'm with your sister....Fuck You.
I'm sorry, I couldn't find the real scene. Does this help, or hurt my point? Honestly, I just wanted to see the black dude cesures down the steps. Sweeeeeeet.
3) Teen Wolf
God Damnit! I Love Michaeal J. Fox. Not in a gay way, but pretty close to it. Back to the Future, Back to the Future 2, um.....Back to the Future 3? Who cares, he was awesome enough in the first one. However, in Teen Wolf, I have to question it all. I loved how it played out, and it's climactic ending in the basketball game. But the ending? Why do ALL 80's MOVIES HAVE TO END IN AWESOME PROM OR HOMECOMING DANCES? Am I wrong? No, here's an example. Everyone, do the Wolf.....
4) Steve Urkel
What? This isn't a movie? How could Kevo do this?
Want to know how? Because I can. I grew up on this show. It's called "Family Matters" and it rocked. Yea, if you haven't seen it, you: 1, suck. And 2, obviously aren't from Chicago. Because........
It's a rare condition, this day and age,
to read any good news on the newspaper page.
Love and tradition of the grand design,
some people say it's even harder to find.
However, how could I hate on this show. O, thats right, just like this.
Steve Urkel Dance
Yea, I know I don't have the video. The video is installed. However, if you can get a group of 5 or more at a party to do this dance, it's a Kevo promise, I will give you $50. No joke. Send it to me, and I will literally give you $50.
5) Wedding Montages
O, look at us, we're so funny. We can make everyone in our party do exactly the same thing that is on the internet.
You're uncreative. Stop trying to act like walking down the isle to a "dance" is like creating a new section of the Bible. EVERYONE IS DOING IT! How many times do I have to see some person post a video of their wedding party doing a "wedding montage". Want to know what would get more hits? How about posting a video of someone saying "no". Ever seen that on Youtube? Of course not, because it's more original than someone coming out to "Beat It" by Michael Jackson.
I'm not saying, I'm just saying.
Kevo Out
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Kevo's Movie Trivia
As I've stated before, I look up movie facts after I watch a movie. Most recent movie I have seen, At Close Range, starring Sean Penn, Christopher Walken, and Chris Penn. It was made in 1986, and as much as I wish it was a top notch movie, it wasn't, hence why I don't really want to do a movie review. In short, 2.5/5 Kevo's. However, seeing as two great actors were apart of it, I had another great idea. And what is that, you might ask yourself. How about a couple of fun trivia facts that you may, or may not, know that could get you laid the next time your out at the bars. Ok, maybe not, but they are worthwhile.
What actor/actresses have the most Academy Award wins (main and supporting)?
Katharine Hepburn - 4
Jack Nicholson - 3
Ingrid Bergman - 3
Walter Brennan - 3
Meryl Streep - 2 (has been nominated the most of anyone with 16 noms. And the biggest loser award goes to.....)
And many more with 2, including Denzel, Hanks, Penn, De Niro, Brando, and Day-Lewis
What movie holds the record for most expensive, and what movie holds the record for highest gross?
Most Expensive - Pirates of the Carribbean At Worlds End: $300 million. What a waste of money
Highest Gross - Avatar: $2.76 Trillion Worldwide Gross. And who holds the #2 spot: Titanic. It's official, James Cameron truly is "King of the World".
What movie holds the record for most Oscar Wins?
It's a 3 way tie. Mmmmm, sexy.
Titanic (most Oscar noms. as well with 14), Ben-Hur, and The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King have all won 11 Oscars.
Sorry if you are a fan, but really? LOTR 3 was not that good, at all. I may be the only one who thinks so, but while it was happening, I felt it kept dragging on and wouldn't end (that's what she said). To make it even worse, when it finally ended, the audience did that thing when they all clap and holler. NO ONE WHO MADE THE MOVIE IS IN THE AUDIENCE YOU RETARDS, SO STOP CLAPPING! It's like trying to yell at a def guy, be as loud as you want, but they're not going to heeaar yoouu. Hello, McFly!
O, and more props to James Cameron on this list. Coincidence his initials are J.C.? I think not....
What was the first movie to feature nudity by a lead actor?
Audrey Muson appeared nude in the 1915 silent film Inspiration. A woman who is nude and silent? Brilliant! Too bad the 19th Amendment ruined everything.
What actor has appeared in the most movies ever?
We need to seperate this into two catergories. O, and Porn doesn't count.
Mr. Mel Blanc has been in the most movies ever with 1014 (using IMDB), but mostly as a voice. Still counts though.
What actor has appeared the most in a leading role? That is the one, the only.......JOHN WAYNE! That's right partner, The Duke reigns supreme.
And because I know you were curious, it's Ron Jeremy with over 2,000 films. Times that by the size of his penis in inches, and you get 785,394,302.
What is the most successful low-budget film ever made?
I'm sure many of you aren't surprised with The Blair Witch Project. It had a $600,000 budget, and grossed roughly $249 million worldwide. This attributes to it as the highest ratio of box office sales to production costs. It also spawned the use of using a viral internet campaign for advertisement.
What movie has the most sequels?
Is it a scary movie, like Friday the 13th or Halloween? Perhaps the Land Before Time series? The James Bond Franchise with 22? Is it Amateur Sluts, with over 200? Well, excluding porn movies again, the winner is....
Godzilla. Based on some research and excluding retarded Foreign Films like Huang Fei-hong zhuan: Bian feng mie zhu which has 88 sequels, Godzirra is the winner. Sorry, trying to pronounce that Huang movie made me pronounce Godzilla like an asian. It was a tight race, but the big lizard wins, as always.
Well, there ya have it. I don't really have any more to put up, but if you send me a interesting trivia question on facebook, I'll add it to this list.
You stay classy, San Diego. I'm Kevo?
Damnit! Who typed a question mark on the Teleprompter!
What actor/actresses have the most Academy Award wins (main and supporting)?
Katharine Hepburn - 4
Jack Nicholson - 3
Ingrid Bergman - 3
Walter Brennan - 3
Meryl Streep - 2 (has been nominated the most of anyone with 16 noms. And the biggest loser award goes to.....)
And many more with 2, including Denzel, Hanks, Penn, De Niro, Brando, and Day-Lewis
What movie holds the record for most expensive, and what movie holds the record for highest gross?
Most Expensive - Pirates of the Carribbean At Worlds End: $300 million. What a waste of money
Highest Gross - Avatar: $2.76 Trillion Worldwide Gross. And who holds the #2 spot: Titanic. It's official, James Cameron truly is "King of the World".
What movie holds the record for most Oscar Wins?
It's a 3 way tie. Mmmmm, sexy.
Titanic (most Oscar noms. as well with 14), Ben-Hur, and The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King have all won 11 Oscars.
Sorry if you are a fan, but really? LOTR 3 was not that good, at all. I may be the only one who thinks so, but while it was happening, I felt it kept dragging on and wouldn't end (that's what she said). To make it even worse, when it finally ended, the audience did that thing when they all clap and holler. NO ONE WHO MADE THE MOVIE IS IN THE AUDIENCE YOU RETARDS, SO STOP CLAPPING! It's like trying to yell at a def guy, be as loud as you want, but they're not going to heeaar yoouu. Hello, McFly!
O, and more props to James Cameron on this list. Coincidence his initials are J.C.? I think not....
What was the first movie to feature nudity by a lead actor?
Audrey Muson appeared nude in the 1915 silent film Inspiration. A woman who is nude and silent? Brilliant! Too bad the 19th Amendment ruined everything.
What actor has appeared in the most movies ever?
We need to seperate this into two catergories. O, and Porn doesn't count.
Mr. Mel Blanc has been in the most movies ever with 1014 (using IMDB), but mostly as a voice. Still counts though.
What actor has appeared the most in a leading role? That is the one, the only.......JOHN WAYNE! That's right partner, The Duke reigns supreme.
And because I know you were curious, it's Ron Jeremy with over 2,000 films. Times that by the size of his penis in inches, and you get 785,394,302.
What is the most successful low-budget film ever made?
I'm sure many of you aren't surprised with The Blair Witch Project. It had a $600,000 budget, and grossed roughly $249 million worldwide. This attributes to it as the highest ratio of box office sales to production costs. It also spawned the use of using a viral internet campaign for advertisement.
What movie has the most sequels?
Is it a scary movie, like Friday the 13th or Halloween? Perhaps the Land Before Time series? The James Bond Franchise with 22? Is it Amateur Sluts, with over 200? Well, excluding porn movies again, the winner is....
Godzilla. Based on some research and excluding retarded Foreign Films like Huang Fei-hong zhuan: Bian feng mie zhu which has 88 sequels, Godzirra is the winner. Sorry, trying to pronounce that Huang movie made me pronounce Godzilla like an asian. It was a tight race, but the big lizard wins, as always.
Well, there ya have it. I don't really have any more to put up, but if you send me a interesting trivia question on facebook, I'll add it to this list.
You stay classy, San Diego. I'm Kevo?
Damnit! Who typed a question mark on the Teleprompter!
Monday, September 6, 2010
5 Movies That Upset Kevo's Future Dreams
Alright, back with another addition of the Kevo Movie Blog. It's late at night and I'm very upset. I know, I know, you're probably upset too. Cause you saw that VT vs. Boise State football game too. No? Well, I guess if you didn't, then you don't understand why I put out a death warrant on that old fuck Musburger like the firemen did on the Muslims who want to build a mosque at the 9/11 site. I hope BSU bends over and takes a train full of Idaho potatoes in their asses. Too harsh, well, you might want to not read the rest of the things that ruined my childhood dreams.
1) Total Recall
Kevo, you are upset that we haven't landed on Mars, or have no possiblity of landing on Mars at any point soon? No, that is not why I am upset. I first watched that movie with my Uncle, Uncle Leif (yes, that is his name. He is of Nordish decent, so automatically deemed a badass). Good ol Uncle Leif loves all movies that start with Schwarz, and end with Negger. That's an "e" you racists. He loves Arnie, and Total Recall was the first movie that I saw boobs in (if you understand the Kevo rating, that gets an automatic extra point in the system). Did I see 1, yes. did I see 2, yes. Did I see 3, YES! Have I ever seen 3 boobs on a girl ever, NOOOOOO! Therefore, Total Recall has not lived up to the hype. I have yet to see 3 boobs in my lifetime (at one time that is).
2) Little Big League
This is one of those movies that came out along with another movie very similar. A few come to mind; Deep Impact and Armageddon, Antz and A Bug's Life, Rookie of the Year and Little Big League.
"Some pitchers like to ice up their arms after a game, while others feel that HEAT is the answer. I’ve found the solution Henry…HOT ICE! I just heat up, the ice cubes. Its the best of both worlds!" Mad props to my old band Hot Ice.
This movie DESTROYED everything that I wanted as a kid. When I was fielding ground balls like the "vacuum" they used to call me, I figured "Kevo, if this doesn't work out, you can always manage a baseball team by your teenage years and ride that til college". O, could I?
NO. I couldn't. And if you find the asshole whole actually got to manage a baseball team (fantasy doesn't count dorks), then take that pine tar, and have Sosa cork his butthole. I HAD DREAMS!
3) Back To The Future
Congratulations BTTF on your 25 years of respect from nerds, Michael J Fox, and Huey Lewis fans everywhere. You have established this movie as one to look to the future, because if we can't solve our problems now, lets go back in time and change it so it all works now. Or, as I like to refer to it as, the movie that made everything look within reach, actually be WAY TO FAR INTO THE FUTURE. Let's have a look...
Still can't fly a car, ride a hoverskateboard, or have a creepy old man hang out with a teenage boy. Sales for white vans everywhere have tanked since.
I was fully expecting to be able to fly to school by now. I used to read the ads in the back of "Boys Life" magazine and see the "hovercraft vehicle" that was easily assembled with a vacuum motor and spare parts around your house. O, was it easy? Why don't you tell that to my friend Jimmy who we now call Nemo because he got his arm cut off from that product. And you thought my dreams were killed...
4) National Lampoon's Vegas Vacation
Please, when I reference any of the National Lampoons movies, take it as a grain of salt. They are all exceptional, especially Christmas Vacation (don't you just wish you had an Uncle Eddie?). However, have you ever been gambling? Cause I sure as hell have, and never have I had this happen...
"Well, four slot machines and I won four cars. You know, I put a dollar in, I got a car. I put a dollar in, I got a car. I put a dollar in, I got a car. I put a dollar in, I got a car."
Hey, Papa Georgio, go put a dollar in your dick hole, because THAT NEVER HAPPENS TO ANYONE! Last time I gambled, this happened.
"O, you know Dad. I put a dollar in, I lost. I put a dollar in, I lost my car. I put a dollar in, I got crabs". Go back to Yuma Arizona.
5) Ten Things I Hate About You
This movie had a lot of things going for them at the time. Heath Ledger, Joseph Gordon Levitt, and Alex Mac. What it didn't have, was high hopes for anyone who wished to sing "You're Just Too Good To Be True" by Frankie Vallie and the Four Seasons at a karaoke event on their cruise to Alaska. Was it I, Kevo, who dared to take the plunge in karaoke by his lonesome on a cruise ship.......yes. Did I succeed? No, and unfortunately, there is video evidence to prove this. 30 seconds of it to be exact. What did I learn?
Autotune isn't just used in music, it's used in movies too.
I can sing as good as Hasselhoff can stay sober.
Alcohol may make you think can sing, but just like crabs, your humility will last forever.
So there you have it. 5 Movies that made me have high hopes as a kid, but never came true.
P.S. I never had crabs you idiots. I had the clap.
1) Total Recall
Kevo, you are upset that we haven't landed on Mars, or have no possiblity of landing on Mars at any point soon? No, that is not why I am upset. I first watched that movie with my Uncle, Uncle Leif (yes, that is his name. He is of Nordish decent, so automatically deemed a badass). Good ol Uncle Leif loves all movies that start with Schwarz, and end with Negger. That's an "e" you racists. He loves Arnie, and Total Recall was the first movie that I saw boobs in (if you understand the Kevo rating, that gets an automatic extra point in the system). Did I see 1, yes. did I see 2, yes. Did I see 3, YES! Have I ever seen 3 boobs on a girl ever, NOOOOOO! Therefore, Total Recall has not lived up to the hype. I have yet to see 3 boobs in my lifetime (at one time that is).
2) Little Big League
This is one of those movies that came out along with another movie very similar. A few come to mind; Deep Impact and Armageddon, Antz and A Bug's Life, Rookie of the Year and Little Big League.
"Some pitchers like to ice up their arms after a game, while others feel that HEAT is the answer. I’ve found the solution Henry…HOT ICE! I just heat up, the ice cubes. Its the best of both worlds!" Mad props to my old band Hot Ice.
This movie DESTROYED everything that I wanted as a kid. When I was fielding ground balls like the "vacuum" they used to call me, I figured "Kevo, if this doesn't work out, you can always manage a baseball team by your teenage years and ride that til college". O, could I?
NO. I couldn't. And if you find the asshole whole actually got to manage a baseball team (fantasy doesn't count dorks), then take that pine tar, and have Sosa cork his butthole. I HAD DREAMS!
3) Back To The Future
Congratulations BTTF on your 25 years of respect from nerds, Michael J Fox, and Huey Lewis fans everywhere. You have established this movie as one to look to the future, because if we can't solve our problems now, lets go back in time and change it so it all works now. Or, as I like to refer to it as, the movie that made everything look within reach, actually be WAY TO FAR INTO THE FUTURE. Let's have a look...
Still can't fly a car, ride a hoverskateboard, or have a creepy old man hang out with a teenage boy. Sales for white vans everywhere have tanked since.
I was fully expecting to be able to fly to school by now. I used to read the ads in the back of "Boys Life" magazine and see the "hovercraft vehicle" that was easily assembled with a vacuum motor and spare parts around your house. O, was it easy? Why don't you tell that to my friend Jimmy who we now call Nemo because he got his arm cut off from that product. And you thought my dreams were killed...
4) National Lampoon's Vegas Vacation
Please, when I reference any of the National Lampoons movies, take it as a grain of salt. They are all exceptional, especially Christmas Vacation (don't you just wish you had an Uncle Eddie?). However, have you ever been gambling? Cause I sure as hell have, and never have I had this happen...
"Well, four slot machines and I won four cars. You know, I put a dollar in, I got a car. I put a dollar in, I got a car. I put a dollar in, I got a car. I put a dollar in, I got a car."
Hey, Papa Georgio, go put a dollar in your dick hole, because THAT NEVER HAPPENS TO ANYONE! Last time I gambled, this happened.
"O, you know Dad. I put a dollar in, I lost. I put a dollar in, I lost my car. I put a dollar in, I got crabs". Go back to Yuma Arizona.
5) Ten Things I Hate About You
This movie had a lot of things going for them at the time. Heath Ledger, Joseph Gordon Levitt, and Alex Mac. What it didn't have, was high hopes for anyone who wished to sing "You're Just Too Good To Be True" by Frankie Vallie and the Four Seasons at a karaoke event on their cruise to Alaska. Was it I, Kevo, who dared to take the plunge in karaoke by his lonesome on a cruise ship.......yes. Did I succeed? No, and unfortunately, there is video evidence to prove this. 30 seconds of it to be exact. What did I learn?
Autotune isn't just used in music, it's used in movies too.
I can sing as good as Hasselhoff can stay sober.
Alcohol may make you think can sing, but just like crabs, your humility will last forever.
So there you have it. 5 Movies that made me have high hopes as a kid, but never came true.
P.S. I never had crabs you idiots. I had the clap.
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